Blogosphere Trophy Wall 

Dan bites the dust

CBS announced today that Dan Rather is leaving the Evening News, which is not much of a surprise since his rating numbers have been going down by the stern since memogate.

This is the first confirmed "kill" for the blogoshpere and it's a trophy worthy of hanging on our virtual walls.

Let's not get too excited though. There's little doubt that Dan will be replaced by someone who is just as dedicated to supporting the left as Dan himself was.

Still and all, I guess we might be entitled to a bit of gloating.

See ya Dan!

And as long as I'm criticizing my own, I need to say something about (MN) Governor Pawlenty's Indian casino cash extraction project.

It may be completely within reason to squeeze some filthy lucre out of the tribes gambling concerns in return for continued exclusivity, but it's not what a conservative would do.

Instead of lifting every rug and looking in all of the seat cushions for cash, why are we not reducing the outlay? Seems to me that to too many Republicans "moderate" means sharing the left's propensity to spend tax money.

The Indian tribes are sovereign nations, so they say and so they are. Instead of blackmail why not deploy a bit of responsibility by allowing the tribes to pay for their own infrastructure? If a tribe is financially stable, why not let them accept the responsibility for the medical needs of their members?

See, it's just wrong to continue to backfill the states ATM account while extolling the virtues of smaller government. Pawlenty was elected and supported by the people who believe in the no-tax pledge that he signed; he started out strong, but now it looks like it may be time for a little backbone supplement.

Hooooooold it right there.

This isn't good, nope not good at all:

House GOP Changes Rule to Insulate DeLay Against Losing Post if Indicted

House Republicans demonstrated their loyalty to Majority Leader Tom DeLay on Wednesday, changing a party rule that would have cost him his leadership post if he were indicted by a Texas grand jury that has charged three of his associates.

DeLay watched from the back of the room but did not speak as GOP lawmakers truggled in closed session before ending a requirement that leaders indicted on felony charges relinquish their positions. Republicans will now decide a House leader's fate in a case-by-case review.

What is to stop them from reviewing a case upon aquittal? Sometimes the high road is a little bumpier than travelling in the nice smooth gutters, but it's a lot cleaner.

The change received overwhelming but not unanimous approval in a voice vote that showed Republicans' eagerness to protect the leader who raised countless campaign dollars for them. He also engineered a redistricting plan in Texas that caused five Democratic losses through retirement or election defeats.

Great, wonderful. Has nothing to do with whether he's a criminal or not.

"I did not instigate this," DeLay told reporters after the meeting. "It was not leader led. This came from the members themselves."

Again, great. So now it is time for leadership; decline the offer! Cheeze, anyone wonder how long it will take the moonbats to jump on this one? ehh too slow:

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., denounced the Republicans' move.
"Republicans have reached a new low," Pelosi said in a statement. "It is absolutely mind-boggling that as their first order of business following the elections, House Republicans have lowered the ethical standards for their leaders."

I hate it when these morons have a valid point! How am I going to trash them properly when they have a leg to stand on?

The House has unequivically lowered it's ethical standards, there's no way around that. We've seen some good men go down in flames in the past because of some mighty flimsy circumstances, and I'm sorry that happens, but we're Republicans! We have to hold our political leaders to a higher standard than the Democrats; it's not too God awful hard:

House Democrats have a rule requiring committee leaders to step aside in case of a felony indictment, but it does not apply to top party leaders. Pelosi said the rule will be expanded to include the top leadership.

Sure it will..now. This move by the moonbats is so very predictable and how I ache to rhetoricly grind Pelosi into sausage...and I can't.

Someone must be made to answer for this. I'm off to find out who voted for this BS, be right back.

Enemies of these United States

The despicable cabal of left-wing terrorists known as the ACLU is at it again, and it’s target is once again the Boy Scouts of America.

The BSA is a thorn that the ACLU is willing to eviscerate every man, woman and child in the country to remove from it’s side. Their failure to replace God as an influence on young kids with pederasts has left them foaming-at-the-mouth mad and they will spare no expense or effort to harm the BSA any way they can, any time they can.

The latest attack involves the military’s traditional role as official sponsors of the BSA, which includes a monetary component. Where there are tax dollars involved, the mad-dogs at the ACLU smell raw meat.

“The Pentagon on Monday, as part of a settlement of a lawsuit filed by the ACLU of Illinois, agreed to warn military bases worldwide not to sponsor Boy Scout troops — though the Pentagon has long held that it enforces a rule against the sponsorship of nonfederal organizations.”

“The lawsuit, awaiting final judgment in federal court in Chicago, seeks to force the U.S. Army to drop their financial support of the Jamboree, which amounts to about $2 million every four years, an ACLU spokesman said.”

The ruling does not bar military personnel from supporting the BSA, only from lending their support in an official capacity. Further the sponsors of the BSA Jamboree, Virginia's Fort A.P. Hill Army base have told the ACLU to stuff it:

“The settlement does not prohibit the Department of Defense from supporting the Boy Scouts of America. Boy Scout units are permitted to meet on military bases, and military personnel are allowed to remain active in Boy Scout programs," Col. Richards said.”

Let’s make the obvious clear. The ACLU is working overtime to remove any vestige of common sense application of the law; they are not working to ensure evenhanded application of the law.

Their interest in the law extends only as far as its availability for use as a tool to undermine the integrity of the country. They wish to tear our arms off and beat us over the head with them.

Every time they succeed in finding a lefty judge that is willing to abet them in the spread of anarchy and moral decrepitude we as a country move farther away from our continued viability to succeed as leaders of the free world and as protecters of freedom itself.

The scumbags at the ACLU will not be satisfied until society is reduced to warring packs of animals whose social interaction is reduced to sniffing each others rear-ends before deciding what action to take.

No wonder the Boy Scouts are such a threat to them. As long as the country continues to produce future generations of citizens with morals and scruples intact, their goal-posts continue to move.

Anyone wonder the ACLU would like to see the BSA replaced with? How about a nice nudist camp for teens:

“ACLU lawsuit filed earlier this year in support of a proposed children's nudist camp in Virginia. A federal judge ruled in July that teens and children could not attend the camp without a parent or guardian.”

Any questions?

From the life is stranger file..

..and via Shot in the Dark comes this:

Psychologists blast Rush Limbaugh for mocking traumatized Kerry voters
Post Election Selection Trauma is a real problem, Florida clinicians say*

*That's P.E.S.T for those of you keeping score at home.

Mental health officials in South Florida blasted Rush Limbaugh on Monday, saying the conservative talk show host’s offer of “free therapy” for traumatized John Kerry voters has made a mockery of a valid psychological problem.

“Rush Limbaugh has a way of back-handedly slamming people,” said Sheila Cooperman, a licensed clinician with the American Health Association (AHA) who listened Friday as Limbaugh offered to personally treat her patients.

I'm just guessing here, but I'd bet that AHA licensing is to psychiatry what chiropractic is to medicine. Now get this:

“He’s trying to ridicule the emotional state this presidential election produced in many of us here in Palm Beach County. Who is he to offer therapy?”

Huh, I'm detecting a pattern here. The lefty's parade around demanding that the country take guys who prance around in ladies undapants and women wearing flannel shirts and tool belts seriously, then claim that it was the GOP that made gay rights a big deal during the election.

And now a conservative talk show host is guilty of ridicule because he pointed out a flock of moonbats inventing a new neurosis for themselves. Madness I tell you, madness!

The Boca Raton News reported last week that more than 30 distraught Kerry supporters in South Florida contacted the non-profit AHA following their candidate’s Nov. 3 concession to President Bush. AHA officials have diagnosed the disorder as Post Election Selection Trauma (PEST) and have scheduled the first of several free group therapy sessions for just after Thanksgiving.

Where they will no doubt show up very hungry after having consumed a 5 course meal featuring a tofu turkey and 4 different types of bean sprouts.

Cooperman, whose professional practice is based in Delray Beach, said the election-related symptoms she sees in the Kerry supporters more than quality PEST as “a legitimate syndrome or disorder within the trauma spectrum,” according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Note: This is the same APA that decided that homosexuality is a normal mental state, and flirted with the same finding for pedophilia before realizing that it way too soon to spring that gem on us.

Anyone want to bet that Cooperman doesn't dabble in insurance claims for ambulance chasers on the side?

“Rush Limbaugh has no clinical qualifications to counsel anyone,” Cooperman said. “He’s not only minimizing PEST, but he’s bastardizing the entire psychological field and our clinical expertise.”

Rob Gordon, AHA executive director, said Limbaugh’s radio musings caused the charity to receive hundreds of calls and letters from gloating Republicans. But he said he also received a small batch of letters and e-mails from people who said they understood why some Kerry voters would need therapy.

A man named Paul wrote to AHA, “I too was very depressed, and I knew a lot people who felt the same way. You have to understand that to many of us, this was the key election about the future of our country, and with a Bush win that future is pretty much destroyed. Naturally, there’s going to be some significant grief.”

“The people here in Palm Beach County now in therapy or support groups are the canaries in the mine shaft,” Gordon said. “There could be thousands of others, even Republicans, who need to be in therapy over this election.”

Hey hey hey, leave the Republican's out of your delusions there skipper.

Gordon said the AHA on Monday also received its first out-of-state call – from a fixed-income woman in Texas who is “absolutely terrified of what Bush will do” – and scheduled a free telephone therapy session with her for today.

I have a picture in my cartoon bubble of a copy of the Ghost Busters ambulance rushing from Florida headquarters over to Texas where a Bill Murray character says: "Alright, everybody stay calm. Where's the moonbat, I mean patient?"

Douglas Schooler, the Boca Raton trauma specialist who treated 20 people with hypnotherapy following Kerry’s loss, said he believes many people suffering from election-related symptoms are still afraid to step forward.“The Republicans want Kerry voters to shut up and pretend they’re not feeling anything,” Schooler said.

“But many people have serious emotional pain over this election and it’s unhealthy to stuff it down inside of you. Therapy is the best way.”Although Schooler said he never listens to Limbaugh, he said he has been deluged by similar phone calls and attacked on South Florida’s radio talk shows.

“Most of the calls I’m getting are from Republicans making fun of the whole thing,” Schooler said.

ROTFLMAO!

“One guy wrote me a letter saying I should tell people to vote Republican and save themselves the stress. Republicans want to minimize the whole story of election fraud and voter anger.”

Schooler said he did not expect the Republican gloating to stop anytime soon.

Limbaugh, a Palm Beach County resident who owns $26 million worth of property in the area, read the two Boca News exclusives on his nationally syndicated radio program last week.

“So if anybody on the left wants some serious therapy here and counseling, I’m more than willing to offer my assistance as well,” Limbaugh said on Nov. 9.

Ahhhh, NOW I get it. The AHA is pissed off that Limbaugh might be muscling in on their stash of moonbats to "treat".

They needen't worry in my opinion. If stories like this one are any measure 48% of the country is completely insane. There's moonbats for every specialty scam ever devised and then some.

Or could this be more than a case of a few especially ambitious quacks taking advantage of weak minded Democrats? Perhaps it is a vast left wing conspiracy to cover up massive voter fraud in Florida!

Sure! We know that the lefty's pulled out all of the stops in Florida and Ohio, registering Snow White and Mary Poppins and bobbing for elegable felons.

Is this the result of Move-On.org having dragged patients from mental wards to the polls?

A portrait of a classless airhead

There was a picture in today's Pioneer Press that was so very wrong I had to laugh, literally.

The story is here, but no picture so let me frame it for your cartoon bubble:

Men, women, suits, hard-hats, a stud wall and one buck-toothed idiot.

The men were Saint Paul Mayor Randy Kelly and his crew, the woman was a loan officer from Western Bank (they floated the loan for the wall), the suits and hard hats were on the previously mentioned personages who were holding up the stud wall for a picture.

The Buck-Toothed Idiot was my dear friend and Saint Paul city councilman Dave Thune who was front and center all the above.

Why is that strange?

When he's not walking the floors of his empty art-gallery\public subsidy scam, or making smarmy proclimations, or regulating the habits of bar patrons in Saint Paul, Thune likes to relax by trashing Kelly and the Saint Paul Chamber of Commerce (of which the Western Bank is a member) trashing the very people he is seen elbowing his way in front of in the photo-op.

Not only did he have absolutely nothing to do with the construction of townhouses which were represented by the single stud wall, but he has done everything in his power to discredit and slander the responsible parties.

And yet there he stands, front and center.

Thune, for me, embodies everything the left stand for, like envy and dishonesty and waste; and the antithesis of everything it doesn't, like progress and well earned pride and success. He has nothing to give, and is only interesting in taking.

I was moved to write a letter to the editor of the P-Press..we'll see if it gets placed.

With the election in the bag, it’s tempting to kick off our shoes and settle in for a nice winter hibernation. Not so fast.

There is a fight looming on the horizon that could make the election seem tame in comparison. A thyroid cancer that has been described as “aggressive” has sidelined William Rehnquist, Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court. This development could mean that GWB will announce his selection for Rehnquist’s replacement as soon as next month.

In any event, it is highly likely that the President will have the opportunity to select as many as four new associate Justices, ensuring that the court will play a select tune for decades to come.

This is the real prize that we conservatives have won.

The biggest item on my wish list is to see a refocusing on the federalist model of government that the founders had thought they bequeathed us.

FDR may have lost his attempt to pack the court in 1937, but a revolution in constitutional law that Roosevelt instigated took place. Thereafter the Federal Government could legally regulate the economy and from there it never looked back. For every New Deal expansion of socialism, the states took a hit on their sovereignty and every succeeding President from that time to now, Republican and Democrat, has built upon FDR’s legacy.

A reinvigoration of federalism is the key to heading off the wholesale ownership of our personal freedoms by the Federal Government. It’s importance supersedes every other “hot-button” issue on the table today.

Instead of spending his “political capitol” helter-skelter, the President would do well to conserve it for use in fighting off the left’s last-ditch efforts to save their precious goal of a centralized, socialist US government.

With a federalist\strict constitutionalist court in place we can begin to pry the tools from the leftist’s hands locally. We can take back ownership of, and re-install common sense in our public schools. We can roll back the juggernaut of theft that “immanent domain” has become. Decisions on matters of social contract can be made by local representatives of the people to whom they are directly responsible.

I don’t mind going hand-to-hand with socialist cabal that is intent on tearing down everything I hold dear and turning our traditions into a Bacchanalian free-for-all, but I can’t do that when they use "rope-a-dope" tactics behind the robes of the powerful Justices in Washington.

We need the fight with our local moonbats to happen locally, where we can get our "hands on them".

What we need is not a more conservative court, what we need is a court that is not mesmerized by it’s own authority. The next four years will shape the future for generations to come, that's not hyperbole.

We must insist that that future allows us to decide the issues that affect out day-to-day lives for ourselves, as a majority.

Not all of us are ready to grap our ankles

Shortly after I posted the previous news, and just when I was ready to put my fist through my moniter, Mitch comes through with a website that brought me back from the brink.

There is a website upon which the 49% of feeble weaklings that voted for John "I skipped out on my shipmates" Kerry are posting their weepy apologies to the terrorist coddling nations of the world. No, I'm not going to link to it; fuck them.

Instead, enjoy the company of some Americans who don't apoligise for doing the right thing.

Fuck you Chomsky and fuck you Maher, ya punks.

I am sitting here, with tears in my eyes.

"Saving Private Ryan" is just ending, and while I watched this tribute to the most HONORABLE, SELFLESS men the world have ever seen, I ran across this piece of villiany that Jo alerts us to.

How do such "men" as Noam Chomsky and Bill Maher face themselves in the mirror? What kind of woman would stand by their sides, much less than bear their spawn?

What miracle of denial allows cowardly bastards such as they to walk the streets that men such as these made safe for them to tread with their traitorous, filthy feet?

I spit on them and anyone who stands with them. And with any luck, I will live long enough to piss on their dishonorable graves.

Pissed off? Yea, I guess you could say that.

The Pride of the East Side

Tomorrow night is fight nite in St. Paul!

Matt "The Predator" Vanda is appearing in what may well be his last fight in Minnesota at the St. Paul Armory near the Capitol and it's gonna be an event not to be missed. His opponent is Pat Thompson, but that's not what's important here.

A Vanda fight is never a thing of beauty. He has had some very generous decisions against some very poor fighters which hasn't helped his career, last year's arrest for cocaine possession didn't help much either although the case was recently dropped.

Don't get me wrong, Matt Vanda is a very tough dude, I think that he has suffered from a lack of proper management more than anything.

Vanda is an Irish kid that hails from Saint Paul's (font=Olde English) EastSide (/font) and the homies turn out enforce to cheer him on. In case you are not familiar with the EastSide, it's the kind of place that newly arrived immigrants have been "passing through" since Ellis Island was built. Every large city has an EastSide.

Swedish, Irish, Mexican and lately Hmong have all called Saint Paul's EastSide home while getting their feet planted in their new country before moving on.

The EastSide is the kind of place where a Starbucks just doesn't seem to get a foothold, and the city's attempts to fix the place up are met with a unique passive resistance. EastSiders like their neighborhood's just the way they are.

I passed through an EastSide apartment myself about ten years ago, which brings back blurred memories of a Christmas Eve party which was interrupted by gunfire right outside of my front door...(hey that ain't carrolers!) but that's another story. I still head over there to stay in shape, but I'm no longer fit enough to call myself an EastSider.

Those that are left behind to maintain the EastSide Pride are the kind of people that defy the left wing's best efforts to convince them of their victim-hood. They're poor and loud and they are proud to be poor and loud; got a problem with that?

And nowhere do they shine brighter than at a Vanda fight!

Like glitterati that show up to any prize fight, the EastSiders really put on the dog for fight night.

The ladies lean towards black and leopard skin leotards and skin tight bell bottom jeans that have been hand modified to accomodate slit legs and leather laces..no, fight night is not a time for off the rack fashion. The outfit is often accented by 3" spike heels which are tied to the leg with lacing that reaches the knee. Where does this stuff come from? I have no idea, but I love it.

The make-up expended at a Vanda fight sustains Maybellene for a year and where else are you going to see an authentic bouffant in 2004 for Christ's sake?

The gentlemen's costume runs the gamut from sleevless tee-shirts, tattoos and jeans to black three-piece suits, red silk shirts and white ties. Everyone who is anyone will be there, the Hells Outcasts, the EastSides very own 1%er MC can always be counted on to attend in force.

Social skills must be honed before hand! Scoping out an EastSide woman is a mandatory; if you totally ignore them, their chapperones will think you don't appreciate his taste in women. But don't let those eyes linger...use discretion!

A man's glance must be met, but with tact; don't make any hand gestures that may be misinterpreted. Representin' is best left to experts.

High rollers will be seated ringside of course; $75 buys you a seat at a fold-out table covered with a white table cloth...class! Exclusivity is ensured by a cordon of crime scene tape which deters the riff-raff from encroaching, at least until the beer runs low.

Folks, the PBR will be flowin' like a fountain and the tension in the air will be thick enough to cut with a switchblade. Smoking is required.

The evening's entertainment will begin with two or three "toughman" contests, which consist mostly of 28 year old guys with four weeks serious training...very engrossing. After a brief intermission which will pack the restrooms and beer lines for half an hour, Vanda will enter to thunderous cheers..beer cups, bras and panties will fly through the air like confetti.

The heat generated will first release an intriguing blend of Liz Taylor and Armani fragrances, which are quickly followed by pheromones and sweat.

I haven't missed a Vanda fight for the last four years, and I'm certainly not going to miss this one. Vanda has parlayed eight years of beating the stuffing out of washed up palooka's into a #8 ranking in the WBO, and word on the street is that his new management is looking to expand Matt's fan-base and won't sign him for another SP bout.

It's a spectacle that far outshines my weak writing abilities, but let me say that if you have felt that your life is lacking some pizzaz, if you are in a bit of a rut, get yourself down to the Saint Paul Armory tomorrow night.

It is garuanteed to be a night that you will not soon forget!

Vox Moonbatius

I thought it might be interesting to have a look at what the people in Kerry country were saying now that they've had a few days to think things over. After all, no matter how much they wish things had worked out differently, Kerry lost.

President Bush has made no secret of his plans for the country, and if the lefty's want to have any input and influence over the policies that are forthcoming (and oh, yes, they are forthcoming!) they need to speak with a clear and reasonable voice.

Concerned about the Patriot act? Let's hear some specifics.

Want to see an end to the Iraq conflict? Me too, let's discuss it.

So what is the consensus from "Joe lefty"? Let's tour the blue states starting from left to right:

Washington (state)

Canadians ask: What were you thinking?British Columbia residents express bewilderment -- and not a little concern -- at the re-election of President Bush
By M.L. LYKESEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER REPORTER

VANCOUVER, B.C. -- Jamal Saad is gay. And Middle Eastern. And disappointed in his U.S. neighbors.

"We hate Bush. We despise Bush," said the 17-year-old film student with hair bleached sunny yellow and thoughts of someday having a same-sex spouse. He hails from Lebanon and has roots in Russia. "People there hate Bush, too." [Heh. How are things going these days in Lebanon for gay Middle Easterners there Jamal ol' sport?]

How, he asked, could Americans have been so politically unaware on Election Day '04? What's up with the U.S. of A., eh? [Hell if I know.]

"Bush is still in the crazy foreign policy days of 'conquer the world,' " said Dave Trent, a 27-year-old software developer and glass importer whose business has been dinged by harsh U.S. tariffs.
Trent and friends concluded that the election, with its dated low-tech polling system, must be rigged. How else to explain the inexplicable?

[Warning! Sophisticate crossing ahead!]

"I've traveled extensively in Europe, and I haven't talked to one European who has a fond opinion of the man," Trent said. [The deuce you say!]

Postelection polls indicate that a sizable majority of Canadians are unhappy with Bush's re-election. [Well that's the last time they get to vote in an American election as far as I'm concerned!]

"In 2000, the U.S. election results left us with doubts about the American electoral system; this one leaves us with doubts about the American electorate," Marc oderre wrote in a letter to the Ottawa Citizen.

At the Metro Town Mall in Burnaby, Shokhi Hossain said Americans will get exactly what they deserve.

"I came from a brown country -- my dad is from Bangladesh -- and I wanted anybody but Bush," said the 18-year-old, who works at Urban Behaviour, a clothing store. "If Americans want to get screwed -- go ahead. They're the ones who are going to be crying to come up here."

I see. Seattle is still more concerned with what Canada thinks..not a good start eh? But don't despair, this fellow has a tentative grasp of the situation.

Tuesday's election sealed fate of future contests. Actually at least two U.S. presidential elections were decided Tuesday, possibly three, and in each case the winner is a Republican. Without an incumbent to run against in 2008, John McCain's a sure bet as the candidate most able to draw from both sides. We liberals better just get used to it.
Dave RichardsonShoreline (Washington)

Majority vote against their economic interests .

A majority of Americans have chosen to vote against their own economic interests in order to impose their own narrow-minded life styles on others. Good luck to them. [Thanks!]

Meanwhile, [Cue screeching violins] the Bush administration, which also shares those narrow-minded lifestyles, will reap a personal economic bonanza. For them it's an unbelievable win-win situation.
I pity our grandchildren.
Peter OrmistonMercer Island
(Washington)

I love how tax crazed lefty's are now suggesting that we don't know our own financial best ineterests because we didn't vote for them! Whew!

Oregon

An island of conservatism

"Voting in a bubble" (Nov. 7) is an excellent headline for a front-page story. Fifty-two percent of Americans are voting in a global bubble. [Yea cry me a river. You want to talk voting in a bubble? Try casting a Republican vote in St. Paul some time.]

As Doug Bates pointed out in his Sunday Commentary column ("Feeling blue, seeing red"), 67 percent of Canadians supported John Kerry for president. All of our European allies (save Poland) wanted to see President Bush defeated, with support for Kerry running as high as 90 percent in some European polls.

The rest of the world is concerned about us. Shouldn't the headline have read, "America has become an island of fundamentalist conservatism that is quickly driving away from the rest of the continent and much of the world"?

I worry about the blowback we'll feel when the Bush bubble bursts. [I'd be more concerned about the more pressing possibility of a bong-water blow back if I were you sweetie]
RHONDA CASE Oregon City

Well I guess what Europe thinks is just as important as what Canada thinks. These damn furiners are gen-u-ine ingrates! If they are going to complain so much, maybe next time they won't be able to find a Democrat to vouch for them at the polling place..no vote for you Pierre!

Bush needs to move to center [Or yes you won, so now give it all back]

You may have heard the hackneyed statement, "You cannot sink half a ship." [No, but I do know that loose lips sink ships] The implication is that those who supported John Kerry's platform and those who supported President Bush's platform must find common ground and work together.

This is highly unlikely [This sentance should end right here..but it's a lefty so on we go] unless the president, in his private conversations with the Almighty, resolves how he can move toward the center on some issues he claims to firmly support (such as tax cuts for the wealthy, tort reform [I smell a law-yer!], entitlement reform, denying a woman's right to choose if she wishes to abort, and supporting conservative judicial nominees).

Unless the president modifies his positions, [You'll hold your breath?]the only way we can keep the ship afloat is to allow about half the passengers to tag behind in row boats, waiting for a new skipper. [Who said anything about row boats? Swim commie boy, swim!]

RAY NELSON Northeast Portland

California

Capitalizing on same-sex issue

Editor -- Chronicle columnist Debra J. Saunders creates her own fabrications ("The homophobic party," Nov. 9), invoking unidentified claims that the GOP is homophobic, while missing the point: that Rove-Bush-Cheney cynically used same-sex marriage as a wedge issue to drive traditionalists to re-elect the president. [Right, sure. And the San Francisco marriage circus had nothing to do with anything.]

The issue isn't "blaming" Bush for being misguided but his alliance with and manipulation of anxious right-wingers. That tunnel vision, plus the ruthlessly calculated way same-sex marriage bans showed up in so many of the swing states, is the issue Saunders misleadingly obscures.
ROBERT BECKER
Rumsey (Yolo County)

I especially enjoyed the following editorial from the LA Times..

Am I Blue? I apologize for everything I believe in.

May I go now?

The election campaign made it official. These are the Disunited States. There is "red America": conservative, Republican, religious. And there is "blue America": liberal, Democratic, secular. Everybody's message from the election results is that red America won, and blue America must change or die.

So yes, OK, fine. I'm a terrible person — barely a person at all, really, and certainly not a real
American because I voted for the losing candidate on Tuesday. If you insist — and you do — I will rethink my fundamental beliefs from scratch because they are shared by only 47% of the electorate. And please let me, or any other liberal, know if there is anything else we can do to abase ourselves. Abandon our core values? Pander to yours? [God knows pandering should not pose much of a problem] Not a problem. Happy to do it. Anything, anything at all, to stop this shower of helpful advice.

There's just one little request I have. If it's not too much trouble, of course. Call me profoundly misguided if you want. [OK I will, you're profoundly misguided Mike]

Call me immoral if you must. [Ditto the last] But could you please stop calling me arrogant and elitist?I mean, look at it this way. (If you don't mind, that is.)

It's true that people on my side of the divide want to live in a society where women are free to choose [Choose What? The white or the red?] and where gay relationships have civil equality with straight ones. And you want to live in a society where the opposite is true.

These are some of those conflicting values everyone is talking about. But at least my values — as deplorable as I'm sure they are — don't involve any direct imposition on you. We don't want to force you to have an abortion or to marry someone of the same sex, whereas you do want to close out those possibilities for us. Which is more arrogant?

Michael Kinsey
Los Angeles

Alright, I think we get the drift. Let's shoot over to the east. Perhaps the stioc, hearty souls of the Nor'Eastern seaboard are home to cooler heads.

Voters look to next four years

I am extremely saddened by the result of this election. I think this country is moving in the wrong direction, and we desperately need to change course.

I felt that John Kerry would be the one to lead us out of the abyss. Unfortunately, this will not be the case. We need to mend the severe divisiveness that is currently gripping our country. We see this even in our small towns as factions battle over tax policy. We need to move from the fringes
to the center if we want America to be strong. [K. You first.]

I think Maine is and will continue to be a leader in bringing all interests together. Sens. Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins have been moderate leaders who, along with Sens. John McCain and Lincoln Chaffee [Or the late Paul Wellstone..], have consistently championed centrist views. I beseech our two Maine senators to continue with their conciliatory efforts and encourage their fellow Republicans to follow suit [I prefer my beseeching to be carried out from the kneeling position thank you]. Right-wing ideology cannot be the standard for the next four years. [News Flash! Yes it can!]

Our country will crumble from partisan disputes unless level-headed leaders like our Maine senators and congressmen step to the fore and lead. I urge all of us to move forward in an intelligent, bipartisan way. I shudder to think of what will happen if we don't.
Anne GrahamNorth Yarmouth (Main)

Up next is another dissapointed ambulance chaser. I almost forgot how badly the "plaintiffs bar" got screwed for the gazillions that Edwards talked them out of. Bonus!!

Well, the next four years should be very interesting. With several vacancies to occur on the U.S. Supreme Court, the Bush administration could set back 50 years of diversity and tolerance in our country with the appointment of ideology-inspired right-wing judges to reduce the civil rights of our citizens.

Money caps on tort jury awards will increase, hurting only the victim and enriching manufacturers and insurance companies. [Those DAMNED Manufacturers MUST be made to PAY!]

Oh, well. We plaintiff personal injury/civil rights lawyers will continue to do what we do best - fight for our clients no matter who is in power and whatever hoops we have to jump through [Translation: We will still have to pay top dollar for our juries and perjurers]to obtain the very best for our clients. [This guys a daisy isn't he?]

No matter what, we live in a wonderful, free and democratic country, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. [Spoken like a true money grubbing law-yer! Nowhere else on the planet can these parasites bleed people dry with the assistance of their fellow parasites who are keeping their seats warm on the bench.]
Ronald R. ColesKennebunk (Main)

If you think that Main is crazed, get a load of Rhode Island:

The horror of four more years

A nation divided as it hasn’t been since the Civil War. GEORGE W. BUSH has been elected President without the help of corrupt, partisan Florida officials and a Republican-dominated Supreme Court.

It is hard to escape the conclusion that in voting for Bush, more than half the nation endorsed — and embraced — his lies and, even more disturbingly, his vision for our future. The most obvious lies, of course, center on Iraq. The evil Saddam Hussein did not posses weapons of mass destruction. The United States was in no imminent danger from that monster. And Saddam engaged in no collusion with our very real enemies in Al Qaeda. More than 1100 men and women in uniform have paid the price for those lies with their lives.

[And] make no mistake: the frightened — and frightening — primitive religionists bent on foisting their backward-looking views on the rest of us will not rest until the US Constitution is amended to prohibit men and women of the same sex from formalizing their mutual emotional commitment and enjoying the material benefits and protections enjoyed by their heterosexual fellow citizens.

If a more inclusive imagining of love threatens these people [Heck no! bring them sheep in here!], then the idea that a woman should have the right to choose whether or not she should bear children terrifies them. We predict that in the months and years to come, the concept of choice, as defined in the 1973 Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade, will come under even more intensive assault.

Editorial from the Providence Phoenix

The Horror! The Horror!

Here's a guy who put's the blame squarely where it belongs...Tom Brokaw! Whooo hooo!

No sooner had Ohio fallen early Wednesday morning than NBC News anchor Tom Brokaw began badgering retired Senate Democratic leader George Mitchell about why his party had so alienated cultural conservatives. Mitchell, without answering the question directly, acknowledged the problem, and said that many on the religious right were "voting in a manner that’s contrary to their economic interests." [Huh. Where did I hear that before?]

But Brokaw — whose pending retirement can’t come quickly enough — wanted more, telling Mitchell that evangelicals often feel as though "they’re mocked by the Democrats" and "belittled for their values." I have nothing in my notes to indicate that Mitchell responded. Maybe I was just too disgusted to write anything down. In real life, Brokaw is both liberal and worldly. Why did he feel the need to pander so?
Dan Kennedy Providence (Rhode Island)

Any signs of intelligent life in Vermont? Best to judge for yourselves.

Plan for Bush [Careful! Those monkeys bite!]

It is clear that God has spoken through 52 percent of the American people, to give his messenger President Bush a second term in office. God has also sent me a message. He said President Bush is needed to continue his crusade for morality and democracy and keep his flock safe from the wolves.

God wants the American people to repeal the 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, so that his messenger, Bush, can remain in office as long as is necessary, and not be limited to two terms.

Let our state be the first to initiate this amendment, so that God will favor us for doing his work. May God continue to bless the rich and powerful, especially the executives and stockholders of Halliburton and the energy companies; and punish all sinners by denying them health care.

ERIC ADLER
Jericho (Vermont)

Hey honey, just keep that tinfoil hat strapped on good and tight and everythings gonna be all right.

Thank yourselves [Or I hope your all happy now.]

As we roll into the next four years with George W. Bush as our president we have much to look forward to and half the American people can thank themselves. When many more Americans die and are injured in the war in Iraq and when our young adults are drafted you can thank yourselves. When more women's rights are taken away and a woman's right to choose is challenged you can thank yourselves.

When our Constitution is amended to take away our rights, which has never before been done, you can thank yourselves. Eventually something will happen that will directly affect you, but it will be too late, you already cast your vote, or didn't bother to vote. Thanks a lot!

LORI BERGQUIST South Burlington (Vermont)

But the "See. I'm puttin' my money where my mouth is" award goes to a local boy from Stillwater, Minnesota. We grow 'em gooood up here!

Moving on

FOR SALE: One Kerry-Edwards lawn sign. Included in the price of $499,000 is one 4 bedroom, 4 bath in Stillwater, MN. Home is close to two Catholic churches so buyer can double-check his/her moral values most days.

Any interested party may contact me at my new address: 1402 Glacier View Rd., Banff, British Columbia Canada. [This moonbat didn't waste any time at all. I didn't know a guy could find a house so fast much less close the sale in 10 days.]
Mike Watters, Stillwater.

Well, there you have it. The moonbats are so pleased with their rhetoric and idealogy they are just gonna give it more time to ripen. And why not? It's worked so well for them in the past, why mess with success!

Clear the runway! We're heading on in..

While the moonbats slog around in the fever swamp considering the most painless way to take the cowards way out, let’s turn our attention to America shall we?

What the heck is going on out there..how are we doing? Anything new happening?

Well, IBM has is nearing completion of the installation of the worlds fastest MPP (massively parallel processor) computer at NASA in Mountain View Calif. this week, well ahead of it’s projected completion date.

The number four-ranked Blue Gene/L DD1 Prototype, with a sustained speed of 11.68 teraflops and a peak speed of 16 teraflops, uses more than 8,000 PowerPC processors packed into just four refrigerator-sized racks. This ground breaking system is only 1/16 of its planned final capacity and has skyrocketed to the 4th place from the 73rd spot on the list in November 2003.

The eighth-ranked Blue Gene/L DD2 Prototype has a sustained speed of 8.66 teraflops* and a peak speed of 11.47 teraflops. The DD2 system is based on the second generation of the Blue Gene/L chips, which are more powerful than those used in the DD1 prototype.

The Blue Gene/L machine is being built for the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California, and will have a peak speed of 360 teraflops. When completed in [very early] 2005, IBM expects Blue Gene/L to lead the Top500 supercomputer list.

A second Blue Gene/L machine is planned for ASTRON, a leading astronomy organization in the Netherlands. IBM and its partners are currently exploring a growing list of applications including hydrodynamics, quantum chemistry, molecular dynamics, climate modeling and financial modeling.

*One teraflop = one trillion floating-point (32 bit) operations per second.

Talk about finding a better use for Motorola chips than a frikin' Apple! Might be a good time to buy Motorola.

Some of you might have heard that an American team recently successfully demonstrated the world’s first private spacecraft; well that was yesterday. Today is a new day, we've got new things cookin' and once again our one true ally is rarin’ to go with us :

Virgin boss Sir Richard Branson has signed a £14m agreement, which will see his company take passengers into space.

The British entrepreneur is having five "spaceliners" built in the US by the team behind the SpaceShipOne vehicle.The California-based rocket plane became the first privately developed carrier to go above 100km in June.

Sir Richard says it will cost around £100,000 to go on a "Virgin Galactic" spaceliner, and the first flights should begin in about three years' time."

"If it is a success, we want to move into orbital flights and then, possibly, even get a hotel up there," Sir Richard said.

I must have missed the news regarding the UN's latest technological breakthrough.

Hey, how about some jobs? Yup, we got ‘em ready:

Employers added 337,000 workers in October, almost twice the number forecast, as service companies hired the most employees since April and hurricane cleanup helped boost construction jobs, the Labor Department reported Nov. 5.

The stock market took a nice pro-Bush jump last week, but is said to be hedging it’s bets due to the price of oil. Jeeze, all we need to do is to stabilize Iraq and get them back in business….

On it’s way folks:

U.S. Forces Push Into Heart of Fallujah
By Karl Vick, Jackie Spinner and Fred Barbash
Tuesday, November 9, 2004

BAGHDAD, Nov. 9 -- U.S. Marine and Army units along with Iraqi forces pushed deep into the insurgent-held city of Fallujah Tuesday, moving block-by-block and
house-by-house with deafening air cover that lit up the early morning sky.

Iraqi leaders had been involved in extensive discussions on whether to proceed.

"The decision to go included the decision to finish and to finish together," Rumsfeld said.

"[The] the big difference between now and the last time that we did an operation in Fallujah -- is the fact that the Iraqis are in charge and they are trying very hard to pull all of the Iraqis into the political process," said Army Gen. George Casey, who has succeeded Sanchez as the top U.S. commander in Iraq.

Yea baby, that's what I'm talking about. What a nice Christmas gift it would be to have Saddam make al- Zarqawi his prison bitch and set up housekeeping eh? “Here boy, grab a-hold of this belt loop and follow me to chow.”

Hey, how about a nice Israeli \ Palestinian peace to frost that cake? Damn, if only we could get rid of Arafat…

Arafat in a Coma, Condition Getting Worse Palestinian Delegation Visits Hospital Over Wife's Objections

Wouldn’t it be nice if the lefty’s could get their heads out of Michael Moore’s ass and realize just how gloriously, amazingly lucky they are to be walking the streets of America?

Well fear not friends, despite the fact that there are plenty of brain damaged, goofball, diehard morons out there, at least the socialists won't have the Green Party to hide behind next year and there are a few out there that have recovered very nicely. Nice wheels Flash.

Because we care.

Ah. There is nothing like a weekend of bikin' to clear a guys head! I feel great, and I want everyone to feel good too, yes even our socialist bretheran.

There’s a lot of talk about lefty’s wanting to head for greener pastures rather than live beneath President Bush’s fascist boot heel, and I want you all to know:

I feel your pain!

And I want to help. So here in the interest of compassion is one stop shopping for all you prospective border jumpers.

First things first. Canada WANTS you baby! But they are picky, so you’ll have to fill out some forms first.

Canadian immigration

After you get the go-ahead, you’ll probably want to sell your stuff. After 30 years of cats, dropped roaches, acid flip-outs, spilled jugs of Gallo, messy love-ins and vegen pot-lucks, the old co-op is probably in need of a bit of sprucing up, I suggest starting with the basics:

Do some fixing up

Of course some of you are probably in a bigger hurry, so for those of you who just want out fast, call these folks for help:

Sell your house fast

And in case the sale of the co-op didn’t go through, or if the proceeds have been confiscated for back taxes, child support, alimony or just didn’t quite go for what you thought it was worth you might have to part with some of your personal effects:

Sell your wardrobe for fast cash


Once you have two dollars to rub together, it’s time to plan your escape. For those with enough ching:

Go first class.

For those on a budget:

Take the train!

And not to forget you government workers and Caribu coffee staffers:

Real basic transportation

You’ll need a map:

travel maps

Once you arrive at your new Canadian homeland, you’ll want to get settled in:

Get dat good Canadian GRAVY! Mmmmm. You earned it boy.

Free Love shacks..get ya one!

Did Kerry's disaster cause erectile disfunction? Better make that doctor's appointment today!

And for you would-be Europeans:

Nuevelle cuisine: gratis!

Your Chateu Mssr. et Madam

No more worries about self defense!

Anyone interested in getting back into a nice cushy government job?

Here ya go!

I just know you're all going to love your new homelands, but in the oh-so-unlikely event any of you have second thoughts a year or two down the road please remember:

Don't Bother eh?

The fed's will probably have cleared off your co-op and sold the property to WalMart by then anyway.

All I have to say today is...

...if you don't ride I feel sorry for you.

60 degrees, fall, sunshine, a new motorsickle and wide open roads.

Kerry who?

Check back with me on Monday!

Through the gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair one can hear (if you listen carefully) lefty’s beginning to wonder what hit them. The answer is clear:

It's clear that American’s may not approve of war, but they are not ready to paint yellow stripes on our flag. But more importantly, the vast majority of Americans reject the left’s penchant for moral anarchy.

Newspapers in large cities coast-to-coast appear to have obtained a clue..


GAY MARRIAGE: Did issue help re-elect Bush?

Thursday, November 4, 2004

Washington -- San Francisco did not vote for President Bush, but the pictures of wedded gay and lesbian couples streaming from its City Hall last February may have helped return him to the White House.

Those pictures and a Massachusetts court decision to allow same-sex marriage proved to be, if not political poison for Democratic challenger John Kerry, not exactly a tonic, either.

The state marriage bans passed overwhelmingly everywhere they were on the ballot, including, critically, Ohio, which narrowly handed Bush his victory.

"I believe it did energize a very conservative vote,"(Senator Dianne) Feinstein said. "It gave them a position to rally around. The whole issue has been too much, too fast, too soon.''

Same-sex marriage "was the great iceberg," said Robert Knight, director of the Culture & Family Institute, an affiliate of Concerned Women of America. "A lot of analysts saw the tip but didn't understand the power of the mass underneath. It galvanized millions of Christians to turn out and vote, and George Bush and the GOP got the lion's share of that vote."

At a press conference, (SF Mayor Gavin)Newsom expressed little patience for the suggestion that GOP victories and state amendments were related to his decision to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.

"I'd like to think I'm that influential. I hardly think I was," Newsom said.

Hey don’t sell yourself short pal, you’re my hero! Every license Newsome handed out bought GWB 1000 votes.

Was gay marriage Kerry's undoing?
By Joan Vennochi, Globe Columnist November 4, 2004

IN THE END, Massachusetts did come back to haunt John Kerry.

Just a year ago, justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that same-sex couples have the legal right to marry. George W. Bush is thanking them today.

Around the country, the matter of the Commonwealth's activist judges inspired ballot questions seeking to prevent the same type of judicial activism elsewhere. On Election Day, voters in 11 states approved constitutional amendments banning same sex marriages.

It was a clean sweep for proponents of traditional marriage. The proposed amendments in Mississippi, Montana, and Oregon limited marriage to unions of one man and one woman. In Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, and Utah the amendments banned civil unions as well.

In Ohio, a critical swing state, early analysis of voter returns showed heavy turnout in the western rural counties, where moral issues heavily influenced voter choice.
Sharing initials with the last presidential candidate from Massachusetts to win the presidency is not enough. If the presidency is the goal, a candidate needs more in common with the rest of America.

What a sobering thought.

Same-Sex Marriage Issue Key to Some G.O.P. Races
By JAMES DAOPublished: November 4, 2004

COLUMBUS, Ohio, Nov. 3 - Proposed state constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage increased the turnout of socially conservative voters in many of the 11 states where the measures appeared on the ballot on Tuesday, political analysts say, providing crucial assistance to Republican candidates including President Bush in Ohio and Senator Jim Bunning in Kentucky.

But the ballot measures also appear to have acted like magnets for thousands of socially conservative voters in rural and suburban communities who might not otherwise have voted, even in this heated campaign, political analysts said. And in tight races, those voters - who historically have leaned heavily Republican - may have tipped the balance.

Ya think?

In addition to the fact that the idea of same sex marriage absurd on it’s face, people tend to cast a skeptical glance at politicians who have not only bought into the “sand is food” argument that gays are making, but they are preaching it themselves.

Who’s going to trust someone who can’t tell the difference between a mother and some guy named Jeff wearing an apron?

You’d think that lefty’s might want to rethink the wisdom of hitching their wagon to a float cruising down main street carrying guys wearing women’s unda-pants but you’d be neglecting their penchant for making a bad situation worse.

Case in point:

Gay rights leaders were dismayed by the results but declared that their struggle for marriage equality would continue unabated.

"Fundamental human rights should never be put up for a popular vote," said Matt Foreman of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. "We'll win some states and we'll lose some states, but eventually the Supreme Court is going to look at the Bill of Rights and isn't going to give a damn what's in any of these state constitutions."

For all of the rambling I do against the mind numbing idiocy that gay rights groups put on public display, I am still a state’s rights guy. If Massachusetts wants to allow Joe and Bill to play house that’s their problem, and anyone with a shred of common sense can move to the remaining 49 states.

But moonbats like Matt Foreman are making a believer out of me. It may well be necessary to codify common sense in the US Constitution after all, and thanks to Forman and his close friends we are very likely going to have the consensus necessary to do just that.

Gee Dan, how many shoes can you get in there?

From Ace of Spades comes this absolutely incredible display of procacity from Dan Rather last night:

DAN RATHER: One would expect that the blogging machine which the White House and the Bush-Cheney campaign has used for any number of purposes over their four years will start now, if it hasn't started already, to say, listen, Kerry-Edwards, for the good of the country, need to concede.

ED BRADLEY: I'm sure it's started already. If we could tune into the Internet we'd see that people are already saying that now. That's certainly the drum the White House is beating.

Honest to God, you'd think a guy who makes the kind of ching that Rather does could buy a friggin' clue wouldn't ya?

These guys are losing viewship faster than a '56 Panhead loses oil and yet they continue to make perfect fools of themselves, and then blame guys who don't know stuff and write in their jammies.

In an effort to forstall the inevitable, Bradley will probably go out and get another earring installed in his flapping, sagging lobe and call it a day, but trust Rather to explore the elastic boundries of his mouth until someone at CBS pulls his plug.

Guilt free gloating

I imagine that there are a lot of you out there who, like me, feel that you deserve a bit of a gloat at the expense of the left, but sympathy for some of the decent democrats you may know is holding you back. What you need is a representative of that brand of lefty whose idealogy is so obtuse, so scatterbrained it defy's description

Allow me to introduce you to Mark Morford.

Mark is a columnist that covers the beastiality/pedophile/brain-dead anarchist beat for the San Francisco Chronical. Although I've never seen his image, my cartoon bubble has him looking like Jabba the Hut after a particularly heavy evening of debauchery. There is simply no bottom to Mark's personality; you think after reading some fetid bit of amphigory he will surely step back from the abyss..only to be amazed to find him aping Doc Holiday from Tombstone:

"Why, I've only just begun to debauch myself Wyatt!"

So let's enjoy his angst shall we? Yes, lets..

Wallow In Chaos, And Laugh A pro-Bush outcome and one enormous bitter pill and you without your vodka

Oh dear God please not again.

Oh dear God please don't let it be all convoluted and depressing and messy and stupid and please don't let it all embarrass us on an international level all over again even more than it already has and even more than it already is and even more than we've endured lo these past four debilitating and soul-crushing years. Hello? Please? Is it already too late?

Why yes, yes it is.

Oh man. When a dedicated pervert the likes of Morford invokes God, and even capitalizes it, you know something good is cooking!

And lo and behold, it was apparently another completely tortuous and entirely knotted presidential election, unfinished until the wee hours and reeking of E-voting suspicion and exit-poll miscalculation and it all came down to, what? Ohio?

Are you serious? What a thing.

Morford's disbelief that the ignorant, unsophisticated poltroons in Ohio could be the source of his suffering should be sweeet music to you Buckeye's. Take a bow!

And now Kerry's conceded and the white flag has been raised and we are headed toward the utterly appalling notion of another four years of Bush and another Republican stranglehold of Congress and repeated GOP chants of "More War in '04!"

Morford is most certainly not dissapointed in envisioning Kerry hoisting a white flag, he's just pissed that the rest of the country isn't grabbing it's ankles in salute.

Which is, well, simply staggering. Mind blowing. Odd. Gut wrenching. Colon knotting. Eyeball gouging. And so on.

Yow! To hear a guy who goes bloggers one better by writing in his jammies while riding a hammer handle complain that his colon is knotted is some treat! But Morford is just getting warmed up for some world class whining.....

You want to rend your flesh and yank your hair and say no way in hell and lean out your window and scream into the Void and pray it will all be over soon, even though you know you're an atheist Buddhist Taoist Rosicrucian Zen Orgasmican and you don't normally pray to anything except maybe the gods of really exceptional sake and skin-tingling sex and maybe a few luminous transcendental deities that look remarkably like Jenna Jameson.

Yea, baby! That's what I'm talking about. The vision of this idiot crying to the heavens he believes is empty is a classic picture of despair! Bravo Morford, you beautiful bastard!

But in reality, no moonbat likes to believe that he is the single surviving member of his species. Where there is no God, there must be a posse; and Morford is no exception. But what happens when the streets are empty, and the party really is over?

It's gotta be tough when your personal quest for the perfect state of hedonistic unconsciousness has left you without any tradition to cling to. When one's hero's live at the bottom of dumpsters on dark alleys it's hard to approach them when the reality of your self-centered de-construction of society comes home to roost; they don't want to be bothered either.

What's a moonbat to do? Well, there's always false superiority to fall back on..You know.."Everyone else in the entire country is just to stupid to see our genius":

This election's outcome, this heartbreaking proof of a nation split more deeply and decisively than ever, it simply reinforces the feeling among much of the educated populace: It is a weirdly embarrassing time to be an American. It is jarring and oddly shattering and makes you rethink what it really means to be a part of this country. The answer: It doesn't mean much at all. Not really. Not anymore.

As a public service to Morford and all of his crew I present sweet relief, knock yourselves out.

This is the common wisdom on the progressive Left. Those first four toxic Bush years? A fluke. A phantasm. A stolen election. A gaff, a mugging, a crime. But this? An election this close makes you reconsider. Maybe, after all, we aren't nearly as far along as we think. Maybe we're not all that sophisticated or nuanced or respectable a nation as we sometimes dare to dream.

Yea Mark, I guess the rest of us are just too dense to understand the beauty and wisdom of nuanced thoughts such as this:

Oh my shining well-lubricated God but it's a darn fine time to be a sensually aware and libidinously curious and sexually active person in America.

It's true. Just look. Look at all the right-wing sexual rigidity and born-again religious screeching and hateful conservative homophobia spewing around the country right now. Can't you just smell it?

..you are now, by default, a part of the resistance. You are a dissenter, an insurgent, a thief in the House of Shrub. And you -- yes, you -- sexually active free-thinking love bomb, are contributing to the glorious soiling of the moral fabric that is wrapped like a noose around the "Left Behind" crowd.

You are, in short, a moral terrorist.

Gee; I suddenly feel so unsophisticated and dull witted.. What must the rest of the sophisticates on the planet think of us?

So then, to much of Europe, Russia, Asia, Canada, Mexico, the Middle East -- to all those dozens of major world nations who want Bush out almost as much as the educated people of America, to you we can only say: We are so very, very sorry.
We don't know how it happened, either. For tens of millions of us, Bush is not
our president and never will be. That's how divisive. That's how dangerous.
That's how very sad it has become.

Are you enjoying this as much as I am!!

Well it gets better! Morford has one trick left up his sleeve. See, the sophisticated moonbats in San Francisco are all hoping that Morford will cheer them up, and he can't let them down. So he reaches out to his friend Osama Bin Laden for inspiration, and comes up with this weak threat for his ilk to chew on:

Apparently, there are lessons yet to be learned. Apparently, we must hit some sort of new low between now and 2008, attain some sort of seriously vicious status in the world before we will snap out of it. You think?

Yea yea, whatever. If you really want to get snapped out of it Mark ol' pal, give me a call; I'll get you tightened up and turned around really fast. And now, for an extra treat, let's listen while Morford lists the benefits we will recieve for rejecting the moonbat kool-aid:

This much is clear: We are not, with a grim Bush victory, headed for buoyancy and friendship and sincere hope for something new and refreshing. We are not, with another four years of what we just endured, headed toward any sort of easing of bitter tension, a sense of levity, or sexual openness, or true education, or gender respect, or a lightness of spirit and of step.

If you don't get the gist of what Morford's ilk consider "levity" or "true education" or "lightness of spirit and step" take a minute to read some of his archives (but make sure the kids are not watching). You may well find yourself laughing nervously as you understand the bullet we have dodged for the next four years at the least.

But for now, just enjoy the comfort in knowing that if a moron of Morford's caliber is suffering, we have every right to gloat and enjoy our victory!

VICTORY!

Now that the unclean hoards have been beaten back into the darkness, one might speculate on what comes next.

If we are lucky, the answer is a resounding nothing..

No tax increases.

No rollback of tax breaks.

No retreat from scumbag terrorists.

No French cheeze.

No gay "marriage".

No liberal Supreme Court appointments.

No loudmouthed, uncouth first lady.

No poverty pimps lining up at the White House door with their hands out.

No gun confiscation.

No abortion expansion.

No smarmy rock stars partying in the Lincoln bedroom.

No scumbag, ambulance-chasing Law-yer hanging his shingle at Number One Observatory Circle. (Mike Ciresi must be crushed)

No chance we'll have to endure the spectacle of Michael Moore strutting around the inagural ball unshaven, sporting a ball cap on his head and food stains covering the front of his tux.

What we had better see though, is some serious ass kicking in Iraq. Let's put this one to bed for good shall we Mr. President?

The Komrades at Kommunists for Kerry are leaving no stone unturned to ensure their victory over the bourgeoisie Kapitalists!!

Transparent journalism!

Two of the largest newspapers in Ohio, evidently weary of having to lie about their political bias, have tossed caution to the wind and jumped pen first into the fray.

The Plain Dealer and Colubus Dispatch have registered their reporters as poll challengers on behalf of lefty organizations intent on obfuscating the electoral decision with legal challenges.

Ohio Papers Determined to Cover Polling Places, Despite Sec. of State's Ban

NEW YORK Despite a directive from the Ohio secretary of state barring reporters and photographers from polling places, some newspaper editors are urging staffers today to ignore the order and seek access to voting sites until they are ordered out.

"We are going to proceed on the assumption we will get in and will until we get thrown out," said Doug Clifton, editor of The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, who estimates that up to 50 of his newsroom staffers would be visiting polling places Tuesday in the hotly contested state. "

"They were getting in this morning [Tuesday], but not everywhere."

In addition, at least one paper -- The Columbus Dispatch -- has registered newsroom employees as election challengers so they gain access to polling places.

Carlo LoParo, Blackwell's press secretary, said the Dispatch registered staffers as challengers on behalf of a committee opposing a ballot initiative for a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Ah, what the hell, at least we will know without a doubt where their stories are headed eh? In that context, Dan Rather should just go ahead and climb under the table that Michael Moore is holding court from, and openly service the guy.

This is going to be a circus, I'm tellin ya! Don't waste precious sleep tonight, the winner won't be declared for months.

Who says no one is learning anything at the U?

The voice of the UofM, the Minnesota Daily ran an opinion piece by Sen. Tom Harkin last week that definitively proves exactly 77.254% of Iowans arrive at their polling places with blood alcohol contents of exactly .21%.

How do I come to this precise conclusion?

Why I simply subjected the fact that they continue to re-elect Tom Harkin to the Senate to Tom Harkin’s own model of critical thinking and fact gathering..and viola! I arrived at the exact conclusion I wanted.

You want to learn how? Sure, let’s do it together:

Why Bush will restart the draft if re-elected
A major terrorist attack could easily serve as the pretext for setting the draft in motion.
By Sen. Tom Harkin

“President George W. Bush may or may not have a secret plan to reinstate the
draft. But this is besides the point.”

Lesson 1. Start with any assumption you want to definitively prove. As Tom illustrates, your assumption’s absurdity index is completely irrelevant and will not affect the outcome. Be creative!

“The deteriorating facts on the ground in Iraq, plus the Bush doctrine of acting pre-emptively and unilaterally against hostile regimes, will soon leave him no choice. If Bush is re-elected, he will have to restart the draft.”

Lesson 2. Take something, anything that casts a negative impression on the subject of your attention, it’s veracity of course is completely irrelevant at this step, and make your first definitive statement in support of your conclusion. (For added fun, have an eight year old make a supporting statement!)

“Indeed, Bush has already imposed stage one of a new draft.”

Lesson 3. Now the real work begins. Make another supporting statement that is completely beyond the pale. We’ll use this to counter anyone who points out the absurdity of our conclusion later, so make it a whopper!

“Many soldiers whose enlistment period is up are not being allowed to leave the service, and those who left the service years ago are being forced to put on the uniform again against their wills. It is clear that we already have a back-door draft. Bush has effectively ended the all-volunteer military.”

Lesson 4. Now throw in a couple of bald-faced lies and make another over-the-top statement to boot. (Careful here! Bald-faced lies are difficult to maintain when faced with irrefutable facts to the contrary so it is best to mix in a couple of moderating words to leave yourself an opportunity for plausible denial..”effectively” and “apparently” are good choices.

“And stage two of a reinstated draft would be easy to implement. Draft boards are already in place in every county in the United States, and young men who turn 18 are already required to register with their local draft board. A major terrorist attack could easily serve as the pretext for flipping the switch and setting this apparatus in motion.”

Lesson 5. Here Tom gives us an example of something that must be studiously avoided; it’s the outrageous assertion that comes back to bite one in the ass. In this example, if another major terrorist attack were to materialize it’s a good bet that the majority of US citizens will be screaming for blood. It’s another good bet to surmise that young men will be showing up for duty all on their own, but even if they didn’t and the President “flipped the switch” it would be hard to not to support him.

“It is obvious that our armed forces are stretched dangerously thin. We do not have enough people in uniform to meet current needs in Iraq and Afghanistan, much less to deal with a confrontation with Iran or North Korea.”

Lesson 6. Our old friend the Red Herring. Do I need to spell it out? Thought not.

“Right now, total active Army and Marine personnel number approximately 655,000, and that includes support units, training units, headquarters personnel and others who do not see combat. In a long, drawn-out war such as Vietnam or Iraq, units sent to the front lines have to be rotated out periodically and replaced
by an equal number of forces.”

“Currently, we have 135,000 troops in Iraq, 20,000 in Afghanistan, approximately 100,000 in Asia and more than 100,000 in Europe. Our armed forces have been strained to the breaking point. To fill the gaps and shortages, tens of thousands of National Guard and reservists have been called up, some for several years at a time.”

Lesson 7. Numbers, numbers, numbers! It’s highly effective to throw out numbers, and lots of them. You really can’t have too many! Numbers are elephant grass for nonsensical rhetoric; you can easily slip in a few red herrings such as Tom’s Vietnam \ Iraq comparison without any effort or risk at all! Go ahead and scribble a few down right now..fun huh?

“What if all-out civil war breaks out in Iraq and we have to increase our troop strength to 200,000 or 300,000 to quell it? What if a newly re-elected Bush decides to act pre-emptively against Iran, Syria or North Korea?”

Lesson 8. Hypothetical issues. Know ‘em , Love ‘em, Use ‘em. What if Elvis really is alive?

Harkin continues on ad-infinitum of course, but he's a master at this. I think we have the basics here and it's best not to take too big a bite when starting out. So go ahead and get started on postulating your own pre-conceived conclusions at every opportunity!