Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Want to make a statement?

The International Truck and Engine Corp. has produced what they claim to be the world's biggest production pick-up truck. I haven't done any comparison shopping yet, but I'm ready to take their word for it right now.

I like it..a lot, but I'm going to wait until they offer it in "Patriot Red-White-and-Blue", because while it's true that I ache to drive one around the Mac-Groveland neighborhood in St. Paul ASAP, I think that the addition of the Red-White and Blue and a plethora of GOP bumper stickers would be a nice touch.

And think of the fun it would be to haul a boatload of veterans across the Marshall\Lake street bridge while our local traitors are holding one of their Wedsday "peace vigils" bashing our troops.

I am also waiting for ITE to offer a convenient "Tread Cleaning" system that will automatically pick out that unsightly Volvo debris from the tires. I don't want to lose one while I'm trying to get Wellstoned! and Betty! and Hillary! stickers off my sidewalls ya know?

God it's great to be an American isn't it?

Monday, August 29, 2016

Bitches brought me back..

Looking every bit the poverty pimp that he is, Marion Barry has all but secured himself yet another paycheck from the city of Wachington DC. His win in the Democratic primary all but assures that he will be sitting his skinny ass in a councilman's seat come January.

One can only guess that every $2 hooker in DC is celebrating.

In case you have forgotten, Barry was caught red handed smokin' crack and bus'in ho's while he was the Mayor of the Capital city back in 1990. Barry's defense added to the already colorful lexicon of street smack: "Bitch set me up".

You'd think he would be finished, but you'd be wrong. Like the cockroach he is, he managed to survive his own destruction and parlay his skill for pandering to the lowest common denominator to con the people of DC to put him back in the Mayor's office by 1995.

Think he'd taken the cure, gone to Jesus? Wrong again. He was suspected again as recently as 2002 for possession, but there he is..smilin' in his Escalade.

I was all set to add to the lexicon myself tonight at the expense of the people who keep putting people like Barry in power, but I've had a change of heart.

How fucked up must be the lives of these people? They can overlook Barry's crack smokin' and ho'in because that kind of thing is a part of their own daily lives, he's truly one of their own. And as long as these poverty pimps can continue to promise to bring the juice (that'd be our tax dollars) to people who have absolutely no chance, or desire, of ever making anything of their own lives, they will continue to swagger across the political scene in this country.

Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Marion Barry, Maxine Waters and their ilk, Democrats all, are a unique breed of lowlife who thrive on the continuance of poverty. They cringe at the sight of every black kid who manages to avoid their lies and gets a good education, because education is their worst enemy.

They depend on the stupidity and desperation of their followers and prey on the guilt and stupidity of those of us who have had some success in order to fund their campaigns of corruption. And like the cockroach heretofore mentioned, they crawl from the rubble of the devastation they cause, preening their antenne, looking for the next score.

Until there are more successful black men, yes men, willing to stand up and pass along the secret of their success, men like Bill Cosby, the black population of this country is doomed to continuing poverty and misery.

And pieces of shit like Marion Barry et al. will continue to be Cadillac's best repeat customers.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Watch your back!

John Kerry's sister Diana, while taking the DNC's anti-American message on the road, has this warning for Australians regarding her brother:

"He responds well to challenges and has the reputation of fighting well from behind"

We already kind of knew your bro was a back stabbin' SOB, but thanks for the heads-up anyway.

Diana, for the most part is sticking to the standard DNC boiler plate (America = Fascism) but may find that she has a tough row to hoe in convincing the Aussie's to "go French".

Australia has been one of our staunchest allies, and really doesn't need too much coaxing to put in a fight. They have been targets of terrorists long before we started teaching Afganastan and Iraq that what comes around, goes around, and they don't take any shit themselves.

DiKe(rry) has been given the task of ferreting out American's living abroad who may be a bit more receptive to the DNC's Anti-American message in hopes of getting her brother elected, and I have a hot tip for her.

Instead of talking smack around a bunch of tough Aussies, which is a pretty sure way of getting your attitude adjusted, track down some lefty's that have disappeared recently.

I heard, from a fella mind you, that a large contingent from Marin California has set up camp at a secret location outside the barb wire and minefields of our borders. Now keep this under your beret, but heres the scoop on where you can find them:

Directions to the Secret Lefty Base of Operations

I hear that the Baldwin brothers are in charge there, so you know it's on the up and up.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Delicious irony..

There is another "factual documentary" by Michael expected in theaters soon. Not Mikey Moore, Mikey Wilson.

Wilson has created a docu-comedy that turns the tables on Moore by using the exact same tactics that Moore has ridden to a upper east side address.

The film is called appropriately enough "Michael Moore Hates America". Kind of catchy don't you think?

While this is certainly no excersize in ground-breaking film making, and the idea is a no-brainer just the fact that it has the lefty's squirming, to say nothing of the waste of flesh that is the film's focus, is reason enough to drop a sawbuck.

The promised footage of Moore going ballistic when Wilson attempts to question him during one of his anti-America rants (at a college natch) is nothing but gravy baby.

Those of us lucky enough to be living here in the hub of the universe will no doubt be treated to plenty of local drama since Wilson hails from Minneapolis..God I can't wait for an appearance at the U's Coffman Center. YoW! Are we havin' fun yet?

Heh. I wonder if the local news will be covering the crowds that will hopefully be lined up to see the premere. Ah, so what if they don't. The conservative blogosphere is sure to pick up the scent of blood in the water and take it from there.

F Dan Blather & Co.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Code word Scaramouch

I'm a little worried this morning.

Last Saturday, I lowered my standards and went into a Harley-Davidson dealership to buy a tire. I never go to a HD dealer unless I need a watch fob, or panties for Mrs. Swiftee, or a pool table, or any other assortment of crap bearing the factory logo..which is never, because they sure as hell don't have any motorcycle parts on hand.

Alright, they do have some tires, and I needed a tire for the "Chief" so in I go with the Mrs. in tow and what do ya know, they don't have any tires ready to go.

While I'm helping the counterman (who I'm sure has the requisite boutique sales experience necessary to work the "parts" counter for HD in 2004), order me up a new Avon (it's a tire, yes the round one), I notice that Mrs. Swiftee has disappeared.

Ah, there she is, across the showroom floor signaling wildly with a sly smile on her face (I figure it's gonna be a new coat). I finish with the boutique biker and head on over to see what's up, and there stands Mrs. S with her hands on a new Road Glide.

Mrs. S: "This is the one"

Mr. S: "The one for what?"

Mrs. S: "This is the one you should buy"

Mr. S: "Right now?"

Mrs. S: "Sure, yea right now."

I figure I'm not letting her get away with that, so I call the bike salesman (who I'm sure has the requisite experience selling shoes that is necessary to sell bikes in a HD dealership in 2004) over, and tell him we're gonna throw a leg over this 'Glide, K?

While she gets on the bike, Mrs. S is already on her cell phone getting the skinny on loan rates from the credit union and I'm suddenly struck with the certain knowledge that I'm gonna be riding home on a new sled. That's how these things go with me, wham bam $15 grand.

But then something happens.

I remember that we just bought a house last month and I'm not sure that I like this particular Glide anyway. I start thinking that $15 G's will only get the thing to my garage where I'll have to strip it down to get it right, so why not just get one that's a couple of years old and put the savings into new bars, pipes, carburetor and do I really want to buy a bike from the factory and fuck a bunch of taxes and set-up fees and this shoe salesman might have ridden this one and ........

And we walk out.

About 25 years ago, me and my friends made a security pact. Should any of us show certain signs of senility like say, being spotted on a golf course wearing lime green pants and white shoes, or walking out of a bike shop empty handed after ya got the go-ahead from the CFO, one of the others would just quietly slip up behind the suspected coot and quickly deliver unto him the merciful coup de gras.

So now I'm sweating it, bigtime.

I can't believe that if word gets out about last Saturday I'm not a goner. I don't remember if we made arrangements for some kind of code word to call off the hit, but I'm not taking any chances.

So if anyone knows someone who's got a late model Road Glide that needs to be sold fast, give me a call.

In the mean time, I suggest that no one get too close and don't try anything funny.

Blather caves to the obvious

CBS has just issued a statement that includes "an apology" from Damn Blather. Some highlights:

"Now, after extensive additional interviews, I no longer have the
confidence in these documents that would allow us to continue vouching for them

Translation: Even I can see the jig is up.

"I find we have been misled on the key question of how our source for the
documents came into possession of these papers."

Translation: We asked no questions so we told no lies.

"That, combined with some of the questions that have been raised in public
and in the press, leads me to a point where-if I knew then what I know now-I
would not have gone ahead with the story as it was aired, and I certainly would
not have used the documents in question. "

Translation: Damn you Powerline, Damn you LGF, Damn you Free Republic, Damn you all!!

All that is left is for Blather and his pals at CBS to cop to the fact the Max Cleland handed over the goods and our work here is done!

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Kettle calls the pot black, or Swiftee hosts a house party.

Today's Star and Sickle features, as part of it's ongoing Kerry '04 campaign, an editorial "chastising" CBS for Rathergate. The cadres go on to say that they are concerned that the scandel might have the effect of heightening the public's doubt's about the state of "objective" journalism.

"The episode has reinforced the right-wing accusation that elite
journalists are secret allies of the Democratic Party and, worse, it has
subverted the average citizen's confidence that disinterested reporters might
supply something called "the truth" that serves to clarify, rather than muddy,
the turgid flow of politics. "

(Excuse me while I attempt to hold down my gorge..)

They needn't have bothered..really. We are quite aware of the direction the various media sources lean.

Here in Minnesota for instance, the knowledge that former Minneapolis Star has re-created itself as the Midwest's answer to Pravda is old news. Which brings me to my second point.

In an article today, reporter Norm Draper tells us that a group calling itself "National Mobilization for Great Public Schools" is sponsoring a number of "house parties" whose purpose is ostensibly "to beat the drum for high-quality schools and discuss the future of public education in the United States."

Yeaaa for schools, yeaaa for the children! Yea what a bunch of crap.

I got wind of this little scam about three days ago and did a bit of digging.

I determined it to be my Patriotic Duty to find out who are these caring individuals were and what is there message, and I did. But before I tell you about them, let's read Norman's piece together shall we?

"Minnesota citizens will meet tonight in 71 "house parties" to beat the
drum for high-quality schools and discuss the future of public education in the
United States."

"The effort is part of a campaign called the National Mobilization for
Great Public Schools. Organizers expect it to draw tens of thousands of parents,
teachers and other interested citizens to meetings in homes, community centers,
churches and schools nationwide."

"Sponsors include the National Education Association teachers
union, the NAACP Voter Fund and the U.S. Hispanic Institute. Topics of
discussion will include crowded classrooms, school funding, teacher layoffs and
high college costs."

Well that's pretty succinct isn't it. A little too succinct actually.

Conspiciously missing from the Sponsors list are two of my (and your) favorite groups of all time:

People for the American Way, that jolly band of Communist agitators and...

Moveon.org, who everyone breathing is familiar with.

Do you think that Norman believed these two groups were not important enough to mention, or maybe he recieved a faked press release? Yea? Well, I hope that lobotomy scar isn't too painful, try putting some aloe vera on it and welcome to the Democratic Party.

Oh, I can hear the chorous now: "That's not fair Swiftee, the poor ink stained wretches at the Star & Sickle don't have the vast resources available to the crack staff at Pair O' Dice."

Which is true of course, but all Norman had to do was visit NMGPS's website and scroll down to the bottom. Which I'm sure he did.

As I said, I became aware of this a couple of days ago. It was a special PFAW ALERT! that got the message to me actually, and being the fun loving individual I am, I sent for the "House Party Kit" which consists of a DVD.

The video on the DVD is nothing more than a prolonged whine for more money, interspersed with attacks on the Bush administration.

Imagine my surprise.

No, this isn't RatherGate league intrigue, it's just more of the day-to-day liberal hammering the public is subjected to. But it nicely illustrates the supreme hypocracy of the Star and Sickle's editorial board don't you think?

BTW, don't forget: My house party is strictly a BYOB affair.